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sometimes i feel like im just playing dress up…

I was hanging out with a friend of mine yesterday who happens to be 10 years my junior. She is 20, and I am approaching 30 this years. We talked about men, and careers and our families. We talked about life and goals. I discovered that though mine were a bit more mature, we basically had the same concerns. As I reach this iconic age, I have a few months to ponder and ambitiously sort out…what have I done with my life in 30 years and will I be doing for my remaining time here.

Maybe Jay-Z was right, 30 is the new 20. Not in the sense that I will revert to the reckless and immature state of a college kid. But that we regress back into a clueless and selfish child when we turn this age. I compare myself at 30 to my mother. When she was 30, she had two school-aged children, a husband and an upwardly mobile career. She didn’t have Facebook, Twitter and online beefs. She didn’t particularly care about the state of hip hop or popular culture. There were no male friends. There was no kickin’ it and trying to look hot in the club. She didn’t care about being fancy. There were no cell phones and text messages. She was mature. Not that she didn’t have her own issues, and as a child I was sort of oblivious to the fact that my mom may have had the same issues that I have. But she has always been a grown woman serious about her life.

….not that I am not. I finished college on time. I have always been serious about only working in my field of communication and writing. I have passed up a lot of opportunities that didn’t fit me. Even if I couldn’t articulate it, I’ve always known me. I have no children, no husband and a career though I question its growth. I am involved in all sorts of social entities that my mother would never. She would never network socially (even if she was 21), never have male friends (even if she were single), she would never be distracted by chats and texts the way I am. She likes having fun, but never at a jazz club like me.

Am I as mature as I could and should be? Am I too focused on public perception and being witty than being wise and settled? I think about how with a little less talking and a lot more focus, could I be the mature accomplished woman I see in my mother? I know, it is not fair to compare myself to her, considering that certain things are just not in my control. Having no children and not being a wife doesn’t make me any less of woman. But as I approach the big  3-0 I am realizing that those things that are a priority of my mother are becoming a priority of mine. Sure I have an eclectic circle of friends and can make a fierce smoky eye. But those things don’t love you and hug you at the end of the day.

As a whole crop of 1981 babies turn 30 this year, I wonder: are we as mature as our mothers at this age? Or are we 20 year olds masquerading as grown and sexy? READ MORE

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