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When a girlfriend calls to vent, nine times out of ten it’s relationship-related. A common complaint often turns into a reoccurring one and then it may get to the point where all conversations are about the same issue. Women let’s be honest with ourselves, many of us have a hard time knowing when to kick his butt to the curb. Our girlfriends can give us a whole Oprah show worth of advice and we still wouldn’t take it. We’ll think about it, know what the right answer is but then decide it’s not worth being single and starting all over again and continue with the same mess.

I’ve heard and probably used myself  once before, the following excuses: “Well, I should give him another chance; no one is perfect, he means so much to me, we love each other, and we’ve been through so much together”. Oh and I cannot forget my favorite- “But we have so much in common”.

Our emotions often get in the way of logical thinking, and ladies so many of us are failing hard  in dating class. Not every man you share a soul connection with is “the one”, no relationship will be perfect, I believe everyone reading belongs to the human race right? Bottom line, relationships take work. But for those of us who keep falling into the same cycle of hope and despair, your girl breaks it down, ten ways to tell he is not worth the sleepless nights and latte-crunked girl talk sessions:

1.       The only time he steps up his game is when he is suspicious another male has entered the picture: It’s cool to be chased, but being chased to keep you in his possession is more about satisfying a man’s ego(s) than working to mend a relationship.

2.       In your initial conversations he declares that he doesn’t like mind games: Hello Beautiful Red Flag! This is a man who has trust issues that he needs to resolve. This is a sign that this man carries baggage from his past relationships. Stay clear!

3.       He constantly discusses his exes: Yes he may be with you physically, but unless y’all are in a conversation about past relationships there really is no need to make ex-girlfriends a frequent topic of discussion.

4.       He reveals that he loves you within the first few dates: This should be self-explanatory but I’m sure there are a few of us who believe love at first sight is a regular part of dating, it’s not. On the first few dates you are still getting to know one another, he may love things about you but love you, most likely not.

5.       When you’re out on a date together he excuses himself several times to go take a call: A gentleman should have his phone on silent or vibrate while out with you and if there is an instance where he has to take an important call, it should only be once. If he is excusing himself and with his hand over the phone in your presence, best believe it’s another chick calling to check up on him-pay attention!

6.       Your apartment is the only date spot: I understand that not all of us can make it rain on every date, budgeting and saving money is very admirable, however if your dates all take place in your home something’s up. Walks in the park, a trip to the movies, or game night at a friend’s house are all budget friendly dates. If a man is into you, your house will not be the only chilling spot.

7.       He is a homebody and you are very outgoing: This could work, but from personal experience and just from my observations these relationships are limited in their activities, and tend to fizzle out quick or spark arguments.

8.       There is no progression in your relationship: If you are doing the same type of activities, having the same type of discussion and arguments month after month, it’s time to re-evaluate. If you are not building or working together in some way towards a goal, congratulations you have a relationship of convenience. Nothing wrong with clinging to what makes you feel snuggly and warm inside but at some point you will want to free yourself from the monotony and establish a relationship of substance, not comfort.

9.       He is into illegal activities and is obsessed with making fast money: Especially if children are involved, save yourself the grief, retain your dignity and walk away from a relationship where your mate is involved in illegal activities. The most devious criminals are charming so of course he may have a wonderful personality and be caring as hell but no real man puts his woman in danger, period.

10.   His work is more important than people: I personally find an ambitious gentleman to be a turn on but if all your mate talks about it work, work, and more work when he’s with you, it’s clear his focus is on career and not you. Unless you can handle being close to the bottom of priorities it may be time to just be friends or give the relationship a break. This is not to be confused with a man who may have to focus on a few demanding work projects and meet deadlines for a short time.

I believe that if we are aware of our emotional triggers and self-worth we can better equip ourselves for decision making when it comes to the men we chose to get involved with. Remember the best relationship advice doesn’t come from me, your girls or your mama, it comes from you.

What points do you agree or disagree with on this list? Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was wrong for you, but continued to stay in it anyway? If so, what eventually led you to the relationship ending?

Talk to me!

Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Follow her on twitter @goddess_I

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