When I wrote “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho: A Book About The Emotional Instability of Men,” my purpose was to save relationships and initiate change, growth and development in both men and women. In New York, a woman said to me: “After reading your book, I figured out that I would be a better woman if I had a better man. I can be better but he don’t deserve better.” My response was, “You can’t let a man lower your quality of woman. I have no choice but to reject your explanation and label it as an excuse. You are to be the absolute best woman that you can be at all times or leave.”
In Chicago, a man said to me, “I had not considered what I really needed in a woman until I read your book. I was in a relationship with a woman that I loved but our relationship wasn’t going anywhere and I didn’t know why. I learned from your book that she loved me but she didn’t know how to take care of me. She didn’t know how to treat a man.” My response was, “Congratulations on being man enough to end the relationship but you still have to take responsibility for not knowing and not effectively communicating your needs earlier in the relationship.”
In Atlanta I was doing a radio interview about my article “10 Ways To Go From Girlfriend To Wife.“ I was talking about how today’s woman doesn’t cook or clean like my momma used to. Today’s woman does not know how to love a man the way Grandma used to. We talked about how today’s woman is more confrontational, less nurturing and even less sensitive. Today’s woman would rather fight, argue and disrespect a man than encourage and support him. (I will tell you something funny about today’s woman later in this article — remind me.) Then, the person interviewing me said something that blew my mind.
Introducing Twanda Black:
“I laughingly and lovingly proclaim that I am a Kingmaker! I have learned in my 40 plus years that men need love, affection, respect and a great amount of encouragement. As a single mother of two boys, I raised them to be sensitive young men. I patiently listened to them without judgment, I gave them the benefit of my wisdom and most of all I encouraged them in everything! All the men in my life get that same encouragement, my brothers, nephews, cousins, friends even my father. Well it’s the same for your man — if you want the best from a man who has some kind of potential — encourage him daily, patiently listen to him, try not to nag, watch your tone and attitude. Find out what his currency of love is — is it a hot meal daily, affection, sex, honesty, encouragement or simply believing in him? Be his ride or die, his till death do us part, his Proverbs 31 woman! Watch him become the King you knew he could be and you’ll be his Queen! Be a Kingmaker!”
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