“Should I Marry Him?” Science Has Your Answer
By Lauren Passell for HowAboutWe
Just MarriedDeciding to marry someone might be the biggest decision to make in your entire life, and women (and men) spend a significant portion of their best years searching for someone to marry and then wondering if they should actually go through with it. Science has an answer for you, kind of. The answer is that you have to listen to yourself – that you already know. That deep down inside, if you have a doubt, you may not have found a good match.
In the first scientific study to test whether doubts about getting married are more likely to lead to an unhappy marriage and divorce, UCLA psychologists released a report that when women have doubts pre-wedding, they are more likely to enter into a troubling marriage (and possibly get divorced down the road.) Wives who had doubts about getting married before their wedding were two-and-a-half times more likely to divorce four years later than wives without doubts. And both husbands and wives who married with doubts were significantly less satisfied with their marriages.
Women are constantly told that they “just have cold feet!” and that all women have premarital doubts. Suck it up. But really, it’s important to know the difference between cold feet and serious doubts. Doubting, it turns out, is a HUGE FLYING, SCREAMING red flag – and quite possibly a deal breaker. So it’s very worth figuring out what’s bothering you.
“Do not assume your doubts will just go away or that love is enough to overpower your concerns. There’s no evidence that problems in a marriage just go away and get better. If anything, problems are more likely to escalate,” said the lead author of the study, Justin Lavner.
Justin Lavner, that’s some good advice. You can be my marriage counselor, anytime.