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Identity Theft in Progress

There’s a reason Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook, and it likely wasn’t so you could creep all over your ex-boyfriend’s timeline undetected. But to those of us who use Facebook—and Twitter, Instagram, and even LinkedIn—for evil, not good, take comfort in knowing, for a fact, we’ve all been there and done that with at least one of the people listed below.

Your Friday-night date: How exactly are you supposed to know that he told the truth on his OkCupid profile—or that his super-slick bar pickup line wasn’t a total lie—if you don’t peruse his LinkedIn profile to make sure he is, in fact, a doctor who works with disabled children, and check out his Instagram for pictures of the golden retriever puppy he rescued from the pound? In all seriousness, you should at least run his name through Google to make sure the first few pages don’t link his name with a wanted poster.

Your new boyfriend: If you ever-so-slightly skew toward the not-trusting end of the scale, you’ve likely stalked your new S.O.’s social media profiles just to make sure that his boys’ night out didn’t take a turn he forgot to mention—like, to a strip club—or that he really is no longer friend’s with his gorgeous ex-girlfriend. Evidence to the contrary, and it may be your new morning-coffee routine to see who tagged him in photos from the night before, or whose posts he “liked” and commented on.

Any woman who appears on your boyfriend’s social media: Who exactly is that woman who “likes” every single one of your man’s pictures and posts, favorites his tweets, and can’t help but comment on every Instagram image he uploads? You need to know stat if she’s a online-only friend, or if she’s a coworker or neighbor who’s getting too close for comfort.

Your boyfriend’s ex: He left a couple of pictures on his Facebook page from back in 2011, when they were hot and heavy, and she’s super cute. So of course you’re going to want to know where she is now—hoping to find out that she’s married, with 2.5 kids, and living approximately six states away. You obviously can’t ascertain this information from your boyfriend without looking a tad crazy, so you’ll turn to social media for proof she’s no longer a threat.

Your ex: Whether you’re still heartbroken and hoping for reconciliation, or still smarting—and pissed off—that he dropped you like a bad habit two days shy of Thanksgiving, it’s only natural to want to know what he’s up to these days. In either scenario, let’s be honest: You’re checking social media for evidence that he’s single. But in the latter scenario, you really want to see that his life really sucks without you.

Your ex’s new lady friend: When you spot that your ex has a new lady in his life, you’re hoping she’s not as cute as you (if you’re honest, at least). And to find that out, you’ve got to dive into her Facebook and Instagram profiles. When you see her bikini body is almost as good as yours, you’ll check Twitter and be reassured when you see she’s one of those women whose vocabulary consists of non-words like “totes,” as in, “I’m totes going to the party!” The English major in you just cringed, and won.

Your No. 1 frenemy: The only thing worse than having a frenemy is watching her run circles around your life, whether she posted about snagging your dream job or bragged about her $100,000 wedding. And yet, we can’t resist checking out her social media, hoping that we’ve run a few laps around her too.

Source: Glamour.com

The Experience: 7 People That We Have All Cyber Stalked  was originally published on wzakcleveland.com