The following piece is taken from the poplular website Elev8. It’s an open letter to African-American women specifically. Read it closely and give us your thoughts. Ladies we especially want to hear from you. The open letter is written by Elev8 writer Brandy Williams. (www.twitter.com/dawriterchik)
Dear Black Women:
First, let me say, I am not specifically writing to you because I feel that you need to be saved or because you are any worse off than other women. I am simply writing to you because I am you. I identify with Black women, because I too am a Black woman. Therefore, I am much more comfortable talking openly to and about my collective self. Still, if this open letter helps the masses, great! I am all for it….
Now, last night I watched my regular dose of “Reality” TV. While I know that most reality shows are scripted, those scripts are often influenced by a bigger truth that needs a conversation. And man, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta showcased some real winners last night! Black women, what happened to us? We have gone from mothers of this earth; strong and proud backbones of our men, to ignorant, groupie, door mats! We are better than this!
Ladies, we have to first know how to love God, and ourselves, before we can profess to love or teach anyone else how to love. When we allow ourselves to be used for our bodies, to be degraded as sexual objects and toys, we are to blame; not men. A man is going to do to a woman, what that woman allows. Until we stop taking their crap, they won’t stop giving it. How many of these men that my sisters are running behind, have a relationship with God? If they did, they wouldn’t sin, incessantly, as they do. Sleeping around, apologizing, and the doing it again, is not just sinning it’s a habit, a choice and a lifestyle. But women, when you keep going back, after countless times of being hurt and misused, you have made a choice to accept whatever that man wants to give you. Don’t make excuses for him. Everyone chooses their path. And women, we have to stop clinging to the very things that God wants us to rid ourselves of. Ladies, we are clinging to fairy tales and fantasies. The allure of love is not enough to accept rude and obnoxious behavior. That is not love!
Let me tell you about love, real love. Love doesn’t make you hurt. Love doesn’t cuss you out. Love doesn’t leave you when things are good and come back when things are bad and low. Love doesn’t tear you apart either. Love builds you up, and makes you better because of it. Love heals and promotes the best of each individual. Love is also not blind! Love sees all, and conquers it. Real love, doesn’t wait on change, it is the change.
Love of a man, is not the only love Black women are missing. We don’t love each other anymore. Bitch and being called bitch, is not cute. It is not a term of endearment, so stop using it as such. Saying that I am calling my best girl friend a bitch because she means the world to me doesn’t change the word. It simply makes you look ridiculous for such an laudable explanation.
Then too, as a community of women, we are so self-centered that it sickens me! Why do we have to dislike the next lady because she is getting herself together, has confidence and a swagger that is undeniable? Applaud her efforts. Emulate those efforts. Don’t judge her because you feel insecure in her presence. Likewise ladies, don’t point your finger at another woman because you feel better than her. You are no better! Looks, are not everything in life, those will fade. Get some substance to yourself. Let’s get back to helping each other. If you see a sister that doesn’t have it together, help her and show her how. Likewise, if you see a woman who is so fierce that she makes you take pause to notice her, compliment that! Ladies, don’t close your selves off to others. Welcome support, love and responsibility for our community. We are the only people capable of changing our situations.
We have become a laughing stock because of our antics. The media and outsiders would have nothing to manipulate, create stories around or bias, if we didn’t write a story for them to begin with. We are better than this! So I am starting with me, and vowing to change. Will you take up the challenge?