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Everybody has something they do at home when they think no one is looking.

So fellas, have you tried any these…

sad-black-man1. Hang a towel off your penis. The shower isn’t officially over until a guy uses his semi-erect penis as an impromptu towel rack. Whether or not it’s successful is something you will take probably take to your grave.

2. Dry your balls with a blow-dryer. Putting a blow-dryer under your towel is the man equivalent of a pig rolling around in mud.

3. Tinker. Does that coffee table look unbalanced? Is the heater making a weird noise? Time to take some stuff off and put it back on and then place hands firmly on hips with a heavy sigh. That didn’t do anything.

4. Tuck your penis between your legs. It doesn’t matter if you already know what it looks like to have a fake vagina, ya’ll just do it sometimes.

5. Rub your belly. Maybe you’re admiring your own abs or maybe just petting fields of stomach hair, but I imagine this feels amazing.

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