By Anna Breslaw
9. The floormate/housemate.
After you leave school, any unwise hookup decisions will probably be made in the context of the workplace. But that’s even more inappropriate. Wouldn’t you rather just get it out of your system and bang the cute guy who writes Arrested Development quotes on your whiteboard? Worse comes to worse, if you passing him in the hall afterwards on the way to the shower, diffuse the tension by throwing your loofah at him, screaming “BEAR!” and army-crawling away.
8. The foreign guy.
Glörg, the tiny yet improbably sexy Swedish exchange student in your Intro to Anthropology class, may not be a realistic option as your date to future family Thanksgivings, but there’s no better time to go to town on that little heavily-accented Ikea motherf*cker.
7. The anti-consumerist stoner.
As long as this guy is referring to “Burning Man” the festival and not some kind of weird venereal disease, college is the perfect time to date a guy whose only real income comes from woofing or selling two copies of his ambient noise band’s LP on the Internet. Just make sure he bathes occasionally, and don’t borrow his dumb Che Guevara t-shirt.
6. The WASP-y Young Republican.
Nothing as extreme as someone who’s, say, conservative on reproductive issues – ew – but it can be totally electrifying to date someone whose ethical views are different than yours, especially while both of you are still learning about yourselves and your viewpoints, even if you ultimately don’t end up in a serious thing.
5. The ultra-nerd.
A personal favorite of mine to this day, the college nerd is just outgrowing his teenage fear of women and attempting to grow into his own sex appeal (outside of smokin’ hot online RPG games). Be easy on him! Boys develop emotionally slower than us! He’s like a 14-year-old girl confused about her new breast buds! He will probably do things like read Reddit advice on how to sex you up. But that’s sort of adorable, and you can always train him yourself.
4. The guy in a Jewish frat.
Frats are obviously pretty disgusting and awful and often smell funky, but you’ll kind of feel like you’re in The Skulls for a hot second before it gets old. And if you go Jewish, you might get to hit up fun weddings with free food and stuff.
3. The kid you kind of knew in high school, but not well.
It’s fun to have a familiar face to make the sex with! Also, you will have a font of gossip to report back to your high school friends.
2. The TA.
Probably bad advice. OK, definitely bad advice. But doesn’t it sound hot?
1. The too-cool guy.
He came from some super-exclusive boarding school, inexplicably has 10,000 followers on Twitter and was listening to bands like Daft Punk and The National in utero. He wears sunglasses that probably cost more than your first car, and all of his friends are kind of horrible. You are 98 percent sure he thinks you have terrible taste in everything. But what the hell – we’ve all got to watch some guy smoke his hand-rolled cigarettes indoors and brag about the time he partied with Julian Casablancas sometime.
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Brothas You Must Hook Up with in College – and Then Never Again was originally published on wzakcleveland.com