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Your media multi-tasking

“Listen, I’m not into The Real Housewives, but I am into my wife, so I’ll agree to watch the show with her. But I mean, one show. She’s switching channels so often, and then, when I ask a question, she looks at me like I’m a moron. Somehow, she’s managed to follow three storylines perfectly while I can’t even keep up with what channel we’re on

When you drop the F-bomb (not that one)

“Whenever my girlfriend asks if she looks fat, I just feel my stomach sink. It doesn’t matter what I say, she won’t be reassured, and I hate knowing that she’s feeling self-conscious when I think she looks beautiful.”

When you mom him

“I hate when my wife tells me to put on sunscreen. Once, when I was playing a game of softball with some buddies at a picnic, she ran onto the field with a tube in her hand! I love and appreciate how much she cares about me, but sometimes she treats me like another one of our kids and not a grown man.”

Your deep involvement in drama

“One time, my wife was really worked up about what ‘Kyle’ had done. I racked my brain, thinking it was one of my wife’s coworkers or college friends, and then, about five minutes into the conversation, I realized she was talking about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She was so emotional I assumed it was someone she knew, not a television character.”

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Things You Do That Make Him Crazy — And Not In A Good Way  was originally published on