if you’re spending your relationship feeling insecure a majority of the time, that’s a bad sign. first of all, you’ve got to trust your gut that if something constantly feels off, then it probably is. and this issue starts early on. a lot of times when we get involved with a guy we’re told to look out for so-called red flags before things get too serious. the problem with this is that we usually look for obvious things, like whether he’s disrespectful or a cheater, but we disregard smaller, subtle signs. “this is a trap, because we excuse the little things and tell ourselves we need more evidence, something bigger,” maddox says. we then become involved in a relationship where we don’t sweat the small stuff and keep telling ourselves it’s no big deal until he makes a bigger mistake. this can be a part of the reason we continue to forgive and makeup.
2. you’re “training” him to be better
a big issue women have is that we think we can train men how to be in a relationship. “the right man doesn’t need to be trained on what you want and how you should be treated,” maddox says. when we are constantly focused on trying to make him better, we lose sight of more important parts of a relationship, like communicating.
3. you’re waiting, hoping he will change
each time he makes a mistake, we sit around hoping he will snap out of it and change someday. the problem is, we’ll turn into old ladies by the time that happens! “what we do wrong is we wait too long and ride it out,” maddox says. waiting too long can get us accustomed to his actions and eventually lowers our standards for him. in the future, this can screw around with the types of men we settle for. “you will end up picking a guy who is the same or worse,” maddox warns.