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Excuse #1: I’m too tired tonight.

Raise your hand if you’re not tired. Between jobs, kids and housework, we’re all running on empty. But careful you’re not using “too tired” as shorthand for “I don’t want to deal with you right now,” says Steinorth.

Bust out: First, sex usually doesn’t take that much time away from sleep (and you might sleep better!). Second, if you really mean there’s too much on your mind, say so: “I’m occupied with the bills/the bathroom leak/my boss’s attitude.” Clearing the air can clear the way for sex.

Excuse #2: I have work to do.

Reaching for the computer, checkbook or laundry basket right when your man is reaching for you is classic avoidance, says Steinorth. We all have busy times; don’t let it become a pattern.

Bust out: Gut check: Does whatever you’re doing have to be done now, or can it sit until tomorrow, asks April Masini, relationship expert at AskApril. If tech is your sex-avoidance crush, banish it from the bedroom entirely. Having it in reach makes it easier to call your smartphone addiction “work,” she says.

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Biggest Reasons Women Turn Down Sex  was originally published on