You may have noticed that this was a big issue for both of you … long before he cheated.
You may have noticed that not feeling appreciated was a big issue for both of you long before the affair—this is more common in couples than you might think.
When we meet a man for the first time, one of the first things we ask is what they do for a living. This makes it sound as if we appreciate his accomplishments more than who he is as a person. For women, being appreciated is an emotional reminder that they are accepted. You don’t have to tell her that you love her every day, but why wouldn’t you want to? You can never tell a woman that she is beautiful often enough—not because she’s shallow and needs compliments to feel whole, but to help her feel accepted by you.
In this way, men and women are the same. No one likes to feel criticized. Appreciation is a way to show our partners we notice them and they are important in the world.
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